The marriage bed is one of the more common pieces of advice you can find on the internet.
But the fact that so many of us find it so appealing can’t help but raise questions about how the concept of love actually works.
It can seem as if it has become an afterthought in marriage, but in fact it’s an incredibly important part of a couple’s relationship.
“Marriage is a marriage between two people who are deeply invested in each other,” says Jillian Shain, a professor of psychology at the University of Virginia and author of Love at First Sight: How to Love the Love of Your Husband or Wife.
“We often feel like it’s just not there.”
When we feel connected to each other, we know we have a relationship, says Shain.
“This is not a temporary relationship, but it is a relationship between two deeply committed people.”
That means you and your partner need to be open to each others’ needs and emotions.
“If you feel the need to keep a relationship alive because you’re worried about how it’s going to turn out, that’s probably not going to work,” says Shire.
“I think you need to accept that your relationship will be in flux.”
It’s the same with love.
“Love is about how you connect with your partner, not how you love them,” says Dr. Jillian Sherwin-Bates, a clinical psychologist who specializes in romantic relationships and is the author of Loving Your Love: Love in a Changing World.
“There’s a lot of things you can do to connect, and the first step is to find your partner.”
What are some of the best ways to be more open to your partner?
Let them know how much you care 2.
Ask for permission to talk about things they’ve told you, like their relationship with their parents or their school or their church 3.
Listen to them when they’re talking about their relationships, and try to understand what they’re saying rather than judging 4.
Be honest and honest with them, and listen to what they want to say 5.
Don’t be too needy, but also not be too judgmental or pushy.
“The more you love and appreciate your partner for being who they are, the more they’ll want to be who they want,” says Sherwin – and if that means you need some help, she says that can help.
“It’s not a perfect marriage, and sometimes there are times you have to choose between your love for one another and your love of your partner,” she adds.
And if you don’t love your partner enough to be honest with him about his feelings?
Just remember that love is about the relationship, and that love and acceptance can come from all directions,” says the professor.