KANSAS CITY, Mo.
— It can be a lot to ask a new couple to share their love for each other.
But if you are polyamorists, the answer is simple: Do it.
And the more you do it, the happier they will be, says Krista A. Johnson, author of the forthcoming book Polyamory: The Essential Guide to Finding Love and Getting Married.
Polyamorous couples, like most couples, have been on a downward spiral of sorts in recent years, according to Johnson, who spent nearly a decade researching the topic.
“People don’t want to admit to their feelings, and there is a stigma attached to it,” she says.
“And I think there are more and more people who are not feeling comfortable with it.”
While polyamory advocates are generally supportive of the idea of a committed, long-term relationship, there are serious questions about whether the practices can be safe, legal and healthy.
There is a lot of evidence, says Johnson, that it can be hard to make it work in practice, and that even when people feel they have made it work, it often doesn’t.
“When you have a lot going on in your life, like a long-distance relationship, it’s easy to think that if you just let it go, that you can just be happy,” she explains.
“But sometimes it can actually be harder.”
What are poly couples supposed to do if they want to stay together?
Johnson points to the many factors that contribute to the high rates of divorce in the United States.
“There are so many things that go into why divorce is happening, and why so many people end up in the divorce court,” she notes.
For example, “many people who end up divorcing may be trying to get back together again because they are struggling financially or because they have had a relationship break up.”
Many polyamors have to deal with the challenges of living in a polygamous household, and those issues are complicated.
In addition, polyamormativity has become more common in the last few years, with more and the number of people choosing to live as part of the couple, according the National Center for Polyamour Studies, which has been studying the issue for more than 20 years.
Johnson says the issue isn’t just a question of polyamour culture in the U.S. There are many other factors at play, including: The way we think about relationships, such as the idea that you have to choose one person to love, and the belief that if one person loves you, all of your relationships will be healthy and happy.
There has been a push in some circles to get people to rethink relationships, with many arguing that the more polyamored we are, the more healthy our marriages will be.
“In the same way that there are so much pressure to have kids, people have also been arguing that if we are having kids, we should have monogamy, too,” Johnson says.
The problem is, it doesn’t work like that, she says, because monogamy has its own set of problems.
“I think that monogamy is actually one of the biggest barriers to polyamity,” Johnson notes.
“It’s a bit of a paradox: It’s a good thing to have a relationship, but if it doesn.
It’s not just the people who love each other who are poly.
It is also the people that have problems with each other, who feel isolated and who feel that they have no one to rely on in a monogamous relationship.”
It is this dynamic, she notes, that has made it so difficult for many people to find a happy relationship.
For polyamores, it can take some time to get to know each other in the beginning.
And while polyamore culture is growing, Johnson says that for many, it is still “tired and hard to get used to.”
And even then, it may not be long before it gets difficult.
“Many people who have been in polyamish relationships for years, years, have a hard time breaking away,” she adds.
“For some, it seems like their relationships are already broken, and for others it’s like, ‘Why would I want to start a new relationship when it’s already broken?'”
Polyamorism isn’t a panacea.
Some people may be polyamorously successful, but that doesn’t mean that polyamories are a panopticon.
“The reality is that many polyamoring couples find themselves in the same situation, just with a different set of challenges,” Johnson adds.
While poly amorous couples are more likely to face the same challenges, they also have a more open and honest approach to relationships, Johnson notes, which is important for the health of any relationship.
“We don’t see polyamous couples as having to have an agenda or having to think they